That Is Just Wrong
by FullWolfMoonGirl
Summary: Takes place circa Series 4. The Doctor is acting plain weird and Donna isn't happy about it. Either she figures out what to do about his odd advances, or she may end up clocking him clear into his next regeneration! Warning: Attempt at humor
1. What the Heck?

"Wait, my love!" The dark haired man's eyes shone with desire as he rushed toward the right side of the TARDIS' console. The big center piece of the TARDIS was nothing more than something in his way just now. He swiftly approached the alarmed red head, his hands out, his lips turned upward. She stumbled back, eyes wide, as she hurried for the door.

"Not on your life, Space man!"

Donna turned and fled at top speed. She barely thought to close the TARDIS door behind her as she raced out onto a familiar London street. She heard the TARDIS door close once more and glanced back warily.

The Doctor's shiny eyes landed on her. He placed each of his hands over his hearts and blinked rapidly at her. "Oh, my darling, Donna, but my love for you can't be quenched! Run, run as much as you like! But you can't run from my hearts!"

Screwing up her face in disgust, Donna glared. "Just you watch me! Something is wrong with you, Doctor, and I ain't letting you get your big bunch of alien nothingness near me!" With that, she turned and ran like mad. Though she had no idea what the hell was wrong with the Doctor, she didn't feel that way about him and knew he didn't about her either.

"But, sweetheart, you can't escape my hearts! They beat only for you, love!" He jogged after her, the smile hardly leaving his dreamy expression.

Donna didn't even look back. "Oh, you've completely lost it!" Was her summation and she picked up speed, racing around a corner to try to lose him.

Up to this point in their travels, their friendship had blossomed into something comfortable and respectful. She couldn't see him doing something to mess it up by trying to turn it romantic. Besides, she knew damned well he was deeply in love with Rose, whether he ever bothered to admit it or not. Something was seriously wrong here.

She just had no idea how to find out what it was or how to fix it....


	2. Musings and More Weirdness

After a few minutes she didn't hear his ridiculous declarations and assumed she lost him. She slowed down and entered a nearby coffee shop to grab a tea. Slipping into a back booth, she sighed, staring blankly at her cup. How would she get out of this one? It wasn't like she could ask around to see if anyone had any idea why the Doctor was suddenly so...Amorous, about her. Nobody would understand why the Doctor of all people, wouldn't and shouldn't, be feeling this way about Donna.

She thought through the events of the last few minutes. The Doctor had been his usual self. Bantering with her about the price of jelly cakes in the 51st Century as he steered the TARDIS in his typical hyperactive manner. He banged his hammer against the console and bright white sparks burst out, as if he hit it against sharp metal. The sparks flew up and cascaded over the Doctor's form before fading out. The Doctor had blinked, fallen back into a chair, and stared off.

Donna recalled asking if he was alright, and he quickly stood, grinning far too brightly at her. That was when it all began. He began declaring his love for her. He began trying to touch her. She began to refrain from vomiting.

She may have adored the Doctor, but certainly not in a romantic way. He was the most amazing person she'd ever known. Not that she dared tell _him_ that. He had enough ego for four people. Not that it wasn't deserved, but still. Someone had to keep him in his place.

She just wasn't sure how to handle this kind of behavior from him, of all people. She didn't mind hugging him and being close to him in a kind, fun, friendship way. The two were the best of friends, she felt. Respecting one another and enjoying _not_ being alone, together, as they explored and had adventures. But she was in no way about to kiss his lips or bed down with alien boy! She may have loved him, but she wasn't_ in _love with him. And considering how restrained he always was when it came to what she felt was his true love, Rose, she had serious doubts that he would be this _bold _even if he did feel this way about her.

It had taken her about thirty minutes to convince him to take her back to England, her time and near her place. Actually, she'd had to hint that she might very well calm down at his advances if he did. That was a great big lie she'd easily tell again if need be.

But the answer seemed to lay in the TARDIS. She doubted herself and whether or not she could stomach going back there and be harassed. And even if she did, what on Earth, or in space for that matter, could she possibly do?! It wasn't like she was an expert on the TARDIS. She wasn't even sure how to fix a fuse! And she most definitely was no expert on the Doctor. Whatever was wrong with him, she couldn't begin to unravel it herself. Could she?

A deliriously frightening giggle interrupted her thoughts. She jerked and looked up in time to see the Doctor smirking at her and planting himself in her exit path. "Thought you could get away from me that easily? But I'm very clever and I know you, Donna Noble." He was about to continue, but she interrupted him.

"Listen here, Dumbo! If you put one hand on me, just one, I'll 'ave you on your back and writhing in pain before you know what hit you!" She gave him a death stare.

The Doctor chuckled. "Oh, yes! Please? That sounds like fun!" He reached out to grab her hand.

Donna's eyes darkened. "Oi!" She was glaring hatefully at him, tugging her hand away while trying to keep herself from punching his lights out. It wasn't him she hated. It was whatever was happening to him. "Back off before I-" She almost said 'use your sonic screwdriver on you in ways you couldn't even imagine' but realized just in time, he might actually enjoy that.

"Before you what, then, darling?" The Doctor reached out to touch her hair. Donna flinched and scowled._ Darling? _Yep, something was definitely wrong here. For once, Donna was at a loss for words.

A blond haired man in a suit sat at a nearby booth. He looked around Donna's age, with a slight pot belly. He was watching the exchange concernedly. He got up and stood in front of the Doctor. "The lady doesn't want you touching her. I think you should leave." The threat in his voice caused both Donna and the Doctor to stare at him wide-eyed.

"You heard me." The man continued firmly, folding his arms across his broad chest. He fixed the Doctor with a challenging stare. He was just an innocent passerby. A married guy with kids who didn't like the look of the young man harassing the poor woman. If only he'd known this woman could very well take care of herself!

For a moment, Donna considered speaking up, letting this stranger know she had the situation under control. She was fully confident she could handle the Doctor. He was just a skinny little Martian and she knew even if he was acting insane, he wouldn't hurt her. But then, she thought this stranger could make a nice distraction for her. Enough time for her to possibly find some answers. She faked a tearful sob for effect. "Yes, he-he won't leave me be!"

The Doctor looked flabbergasted. He stared first at the man, then at Donna. "But Donna...Don't cry, my love." The real Doctor would know her tears were fake. He'd long ago learned to tell the difference between her fake sobs and her genuine tears. So why didn't he seem to notice now? Then again, the real Doctor would never be calling her things like 'my love'. He reached out to embrace her. She pulled back, but had no need. The blond grabbed the Doctor's arm and yanked him away from the booth.

The Doctor, a scrawny man by nature, staggered back, crashing into a table. Commotion and chaos ensued. Donna took this opportunity to slide from the booth and bolt for the door. She had a passing worry. What if that big guy hurt the Doctor? But she reminded herself he was a Time Lord after all. He could manage if he needed to. She needed to get some answers. Fast.


	3. More Questions Than Answers

Donna was a lot of things, but the quickest companion wasn't one of them. She just hoped blondie could stall the Doctor long enough for her to do some research of her own. She huffed as she entered the TARDIS, slamming the door shut behind her. She leaned back on it, trying to catch her breath. The Doctor was so spry. Probably all of that running he always did. It took a lot to outrun him and so she'd taken off at full speed in the hopes to put more time between his finding her and here.

Once her breath was slowly starting to even out, a thing which happened faster than it used to thanks to the Doctor's 'get fit quick by running for your life everywhere' program, Donna raced over to hammer still laying on the floor where it had fallen. She tentatively reached down and lifted it up. "Are you whats been giving me this cupid-struck Doctor trouble?" She demanded of the inanimate object. Looking it over, she didn't see anything unusual about the hammer. It could easily have come from the local hardware store. Even if it hadn't, that didn't mean there was anything wrong about it. How could she know for sure?

Desperate for answers, she stepped over to exactly where the Doctor had been standing when the incident first happened. That was when she first noticed something. Odd little white specks were scattered about on the floor. She squinted at them. It looked like fine, smaller pieces of white confetti, with a slight sparkle to them. Were those the 'sparks' she'd observed around the Doctor earlier? She peered at them, then glanced at the console where the Doctor had banged the hammer. Bending over it, she placed her hands on the edge, examining it with care.

One small corner was cracked with wear. The crack looked dark, but Donna wondered. She picked the hammer up and stood as far back as her arms would allow. She wasn't about to have a repeat of what the Doctor was going through. That would turn this whole nightmare into a...Well another nightmare! And so she lightly tapped the crack with the hammer. Nothing happened. She banged it a bit harder and the same 'sparks' flew out. She jumped back as they flew up and trickled down harmlessly to the floor. "What the bloody hell..." She muttered, staring.

Okay so if that were the cause of the Doctor's odd behavior, what did it mean? Was the TARDIS leaking some kind of love crystals or some other weirdo alien thing she would have to give the Doctor a good smack about? She hoped this was the problem, but how to fix it even if she was right?

After several minutes of feeling completely helpless, Donna glanced at her watch and had an unnerving thought. Where was the Doctor? Sure, she'd left him to blondie's hands, but that had been at least over half an hour ago! Surely he was okay and should have been back and harassing her again by now? Abandoning the hammer on the jumpseats, she hurried out of the TARDIS, worried.

Him being love-struck was one thing. Him being hurt, lost, or otherwise dead, was something else. Those were things she wouldn't let him get away with! She ran back to the little cafe and glanced around. Things looked calm. Nothing was out of place, so whatever mess the fight had caused was cleaned up. She hurried over to a waitress she recognized from before. "Excuse me, but do you remember me?"

The waitress tucked a stray strand of raven colored hair behind her ear. She looked young, tired, and bored. "Yeah. You were the lady those two blokes were having a go about." She shrugged.

Donna sighed. "Yes, well where did they go? What happened?" The woman seemed annoyed, like she'd told this story a thousand times already today. But she stopped wiping tables down to answer. "The blond one went to give that little guy a good cuff 'round his ear, but the little guy was quick. He got himself off that table faster than anything, and jumped sideways, then ran for the door. Went on about important plans for himself and his darling. He was grinning and looking the fool. He sounded mad if you ask me. The blond finished his meal and left."

Donna's eyes clouded over. "Oh, he's a fool all right. Well, thanks." She needed to find the Doctor. Sooner or later he was bound to show up back at the TARDIS. It was all she could think to do. Oh, how she wished she was clever! She'd be able to track him down in no time! Oh well. For now she would return to the TARDIS and wait.

She started off, but as she passed her own street, she thought of her grandfather. She should stop by and say hello before going on. At least give him a nice hug. She hurried down the street excitedly and rushed to her front door. She saw her mother's car in the driveway, and hesitated. But, then, didn't want to let her mother stop her from making her gramp's day. She used her key to open the door and stepped inside, shutting the door firmly behind her. She turned and smiled when she saw her grandfather and her mother both seated on the sofa. "Gr-" She started to hurry over to them, but froze when she saw they weren't alone.

There he was. The Doctor stood, animated in front of the two of them. He turned his bright eyed smile on her and rocked back on his heels. "Hello love!"

Donna stared. What the hell was he doing here?!


	4. Slap Happy!

Reviews are loved. Thank you! =]

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Donna now fully took in the look on her family's faces. Her grandfather was fidgeting and staring at the Doctor. He looked confused, surprised, and a little bit worried. Her mother looked upset and annoyed. Though that wasn't an unusual look for her, she did seem particularly worn down at the moment.

"Oh, there she is!" Her mother's voice was heavy with sarcasm. "Come waltzing in here the last moment to bother to tell us she's engaged! How long have you known this fellow anyway, Donna? Since he destroyed your wedding to Lance? You chase away a perfectly good solid man for this!" She pointed at the Doctor. "And when are you having this baby he keeps going on about?

Donna gaped at them. The Doctor was not even paying attention to her mother, his eyes were on her, that goofy grin still fully in place on his lips. She wanted to go over and slap it off of him. Badly. Especially when the word engaged registered in her brain. "_What_?" She looked from the Doctor to her mother and back. "But..." _He didn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't have! _"What have you been telling them?" She stormed over to the Doctor and gave him a threatening look.

It didn't change the expression on his face. "Oh, just the truth of things. How much I love you. How happy we are together. And how you're going to spend the rest of your life with me, having babies and all that domestic bit, so we may as well make it official." _Oh no! _The color drained from Donna's face before the Doctor's knees even hit the floor before her.

"Get up!" She seethed between clenched teeth. "Get up! Get up, get up, _get up now_!" His hand was searching one of his far too large pockets. _He didn't. No. No way did he have a-_She saw a small box and knew immediately what was inside of it. She heard her mother make an annoyed huff, but she was a bit too busy being in shock to care what her mother thought just now.

"Doctor, don't you dare!" Never had Donna sounded so threatening as she loomed over the Doctor, trembling in rage. Yet never had he looked more clueless about how she was truly feeling. He held the box out in front of him and started to open it. She grabbed it quickly, clamping it shut and shoved it back into his pocket. The grin finally fell from his face. He stared up at her.

"But, love..." Donna grabbed the Doctor's arm and yanked him roughly to his feet. She was positive how hard she gripped his upper arm probably left a bruise but she didn't care. She was beyond horrified.

"But nothing! And don't you say 'love' to me!" She couldn't very well explain to her mother, or even her grandfather just now, how this guy wasn't really in love with her and how he was just under the influence of some weirdo alien stuff.

"So you expect us to plan another wedding, do ya? Well don't go expecting me to pay for it this time, Deary!" Donna's mother was furious. Her daughter had gone off with this man who wrecked her chances with Lance and now here she was planning to marry him!

Donna turned to glare at her. It took all of her will power not to smack somebody, anybody, just now. "There isn't going to be a wedding because..." If she pointed out that she didn't love him that might make him say something very bad like oh but you'll love me in time, and then her mother would think he was some sicko stalker person and she didn't need to add that complication to things. "Well there just isn't!" She turned and grabbed the Doctor's hand, giving her grandfather a sad look. He still looked completely confused and now even more worried. "I'm sorry..." She yanked the Doctor out the door as fast as anything.

After the door closed behind her, Silvia turned to Wilf. "I tell you what! I bet she's gotten herself knocked up by him. I told you he was no good, that man!" Wilf just shook his head. He wasn't at all sure what was going on, but he knew his granddaughter had made it clear how he felt about this man she'd gone off with before she even left. She'd mentioned it wasn't a romantic thing for her. And he was an alien, that much he was sure of now. So things weren't quite adding up, but he kept these thoughts to himself and let his daughter go on a rant.

Outside, things were far worse. At least for Donna.

"I'll tell you something, Doctor," She said, her voice dangerously low. She was half-dragging him back toward the TARDIS, even though he was hardly resisting. He stumbled as she pulled him along. "When you're all better from your love sickness or whatever stupid thing you've gone and done to yourself, you're gonna march right back here and explain to my mum and gramps why you tried to propose to me and talked about us having babies! 'Cause I ain't covering for you this time!" Mainly because she had no idea how to explain this with some kind of cover story anyway.

"Well..." The Doctor thoughtfully replied as they headed for the TARDIS. "If I_ am _sick, I'm confident, you're my cure." He didn't sound the least little bit concerned about anything. "You're my medicine, baby."

That did it.

Her face blazing red, Donna dropped his hand and stopped dead in her tracks. She spun around, whipping her hand across his face before he could blink. He stumbled back, clutching his cheek.

"What did you do that for?!" He gave her a wounded look. But there was something else there. In his eyes. The strange shine was slightly dulled. That gave Donna a little hope. "Why do you think?" She demanded. "You call me baby one more time, and I'll make the other cheek match!" She had no problems threatening violence when the situation called for it. And the Doctor was certainly making sure it was called for lately.

"Sorry." He sounded genuinely apologetic. His hand lowered and he managed to look glum. Which was an improvement to starry eyed in her opinion. "That's more like it. Now, does the TARDIS have love crystals?" Donna turned and started back for the TARDIS once more.

"Love crystals?" He tilted his head as he trailed after her. "What are you on about, love crystals?"

He was sounding a lot more like the Doctor when they entered the TARDIS, much to Donna's relief. She turned again to face him as he closed the door behind them. "Well, whatever those white glittery things are that made you all bonkers!" She pointed to the weird confetti like substance on the floor.

Scratching the back of his neck, the Doctor sauntered over to the white pieces, knelt down, and promptly tasted one of them. "Mm. A bit bitter. Metallic, but more like metal, less like blood. Something about it is familiar, so much so I don't think it comes from actual metal either...Definitely not from the TARDIS..." He trailed off, kneeling there staring blankly so long that Donna started to get concerned.

She walked over and touched his shoulder. "If they aren't from the TARDIS, why are they coming out of that gap there." She pointed, but the Doctor didn't even look to where she was pointing. He looked up at her, his eyes all shiny again. A grin slipped back into place on his face.

"What love?" He stood up and wrapped his arms around her waist before she could stop him. His lips moved toward her neck.

Oh, she was going to let him have it for this one!

"Oi!" She smacked him in the chest, hard, shoving him away from her before his lips could touch her skin. "Lips and hands!"

"Is that a request?" The Doctor smoothly replied, smirking at her as he stumbled back and straightened up before her. That man knew full well she meant to keep them off of her. It sure as hell wasn't a request for more, as he tried to imply. Donna had a good mind to grab that hammer and clock him over the head with it.

"Doctor, why must you go about tasting everything? Are you two?! And hear me well! If you don't fix whatever is ailing you, I'll fix it for you! I'll fix you good!" She didn't sound nearly as threatening as she would have liked. But he wasn't paying a bit of attention.

"Wasn't I going to do something..." He murmured to himself, then his bright eyes twinkled. "Ah, yes!" He reached into his pocket.

Donna groaned and rushed around him to the console. The alien had to have attention deficit disorder. The smartest guy in the galaxy, maybe even the universe, and just when it seemed he might come around, he went and ate the same stuff that started this mess in the first place! It really was like having a hyperactive little boy who happened to be a genius on top of it all. An idiotic one. She used an old rag to clean up the remaining white specks and tucked them away in her own pocket before he might get ideas like that again.

When she turned around there he was, shuffling over to her on his knees again. She promptly reached out and slapped him again. He clasped his cheek, rubbing it gently, but still he grinned up at her. "Oh, you'll make a feisty bride. Save that for the honeymoon then, baby." He winked at her. She'd warned him about that. Her other hand flew across his other cheek. Twice.

His head snapped back and he rubbed both cheeks, the smile slipping slightly from his lips. She caught his eye. He looked slightly confused. The shine was still there, but not nearly as much as before. If slapping the happy out of him was the way to deal with this, than by god, Donna was going to do it.

"What-" Before he could finish his question, she slapped him. First his left cheek, then his right. Then his left again. Until he was jumping to his feet and backing away from her. She stepped toward him and slapped him again. "_Oi_!" He hollered, now glaring at her. "What was _that _for?!" Never had she slapped anyone so much before, and to her surprise, it improved her own mood immensely as well.

"What do you think it was for, star hopping boy?" She saw that his eyes were fading back to normal. Delighted, she raised her hand again but he hopped backwards, keeping several feet between them. He still looked utterly confused. Not to mention his cheeks were well red. "Don't you know what you've done? Are you with me yet Doctor? Can you remember what happened?" She demanded of him. When he didn't respond immediately, she went on. "Chasing after me like some love sick puppy! Sick being the word! I'd say I owe you those slaps and a good bit more."

At this, the Doctor froze. She saw recognition in his eyes. He blushed profusely. So much so it showed through his already flushed face. He looked away, unable to meet her gaze now. "Ah, see there you go, you do remember now, don't you." It wasn't a question. Clearly he remembered it. "What are you going to do about it then?"

He trotted over to the console to examine the crack, quickly pulling out some sort of medical instrument to use on it, anything to avoid having to discuss what he'd done. The idea that he'd been slobbering all over Donna was bad enough, but that he'd nearly proposed to her! He thanked the powers that be that she had the sense not to let him! He nearly shuddered to think what might have happened had he been with Martha instead of Donna and that had happened. She likely would have let him and accepted and he'd be off having babies with her! He didn't let himself consider what might have happened with Rose. Let alone Jack...Oh that was a scary thought indeed! He focused on the task at hand. Getting to the bottom of the cause of his 'love sickness' as Donna had called it. He was mortified by his behavior. And that was putting it mildly.

Donna was well aware that the Doctor was avoiding having a conversation about any of this with her. It was awkward at best. But she was determined. Firstly, to make sure he didn't eat any more of that space love dust stuff. Secondly, that he explain himself to her and fix it from ever happening again! And thirdly, well she wasn't sure, but it would involve a lot of him sucking up to her, and not in any sort of romantic way that was for damned sure!


	5. Important Update!

A hiccup in my story. I've been on hiatus for a while now. I will definitely finish this story as I don't like to leave a story unfinished. I will upload the next chapter soon hopefully!


	6. Solutions! Sort of!

Hello all. I'm so sorry for my long hiatus. I left this story hanging far too long, and so I thought I'd wrap it up in this final chapter. I didn't want to not complete it and it felt right to end it about here. I apologize for such a long wait. I never mean to take so long! In any case, thanks for the well wishes. My mother is a lot better now, she's doing great, as am I. Happy reading! Reviews are always loved!

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"Doctor, what are we going to do about this?" Donna folded her arms across her chest and shot an annoyed look at him. He wouldn't look up, he kept bending and peering at the console. "Well?" She tapped her foot.

"Ah ha!" He jumped up, startling her. He turned around and grinned at her. But this time no lust filled his eyes, much to Donna's incredible relief. "It isn't coming from the TARDIS. Remember, the TARDIS is a multi-dimensional ship. She can exist in the same space as other objects. These 'love crystals' as you call them, are a rare form of flower seeds found only on planets in the Rlosen Nebula. They're called Flos Niveus Pacis, which basically means White Flower of Peace. Named such because they are very good at preventing wars. Well, how could they have a war with everyone falling madly in love. But, they can have adverse effects. Clearly."

"Yeah, clearly." Donna nodded her agreement. She didn't look happy in the least, the Doctor noted. "Enough with the Space-Babble, Doctor, how do we fix it?"

"Oh simple. I've just got to-" Moves over and kicks a lever with his foot, twisting a dial with his hand. It caused the TARDIS to rumble, then settle down. "There. Shifted her slightly out of the shared dimension. The Flos Niveus Pacis should be gone now." He peered in through the crack in the TARDIS. "All gone!" He was smiling proudly.

Donna sighed. "What, you want congratulations for becoming my own personal stalker and worrying my family?"

The smile was gone as if she had gone over and slapped it off of him again. "Sorry." He said sincerely.

"Oh, alright, I suppose it isn't your fault after all. Everyone around you always goes all bonkers anyway." She relaxed her stance, which caused the Doctor to relax. For an angry Donna was a far more frightening prospect to have to face than any alien foe he could think of just then.

"So." The Doctor was smiling again, and this time, Donna was as well. "Off to the past again? Or should we go to an alien planet?" He asked excitedly. He always liked her input. Unlike other companions, Donna tended to have very definite ideas about where she wanted to go and when.

"Oh no you don't! You ain't getting out of it that easy!" She gave him a stern look.

He stared back blankly. "What?"

"My grandfather. He's upset. You get to do the explaining." The Doctor didn't look happy about it, but nodded. "And my mother."

"What?" He was looking more unhappy, eyes wide.

"My mother. She thinks you've proposed to me. She's gonna want to know why and that we're not having a baby and all that."

"What? Baby? No, of course we're not having a baby!"

"I know its not your fault, completely, but you did go and propose right in front of her! What else was she gonna think? Not that you're madly in love with me, of course she wouldn't think that." This part she muttered more to herself. Her mother's lack of faith in her was astonishingly strong. She was far more apt to believe the guy had knocked her up than he truly wanted her. But that was beside the point. "So you gotta help explain."

The Doctor slowly nodded. Suddenly he was all action. He put a hand on her shoulder and started ushering her toward the door. "Right. Yes. Of course. Why don't you go on over there and start the explaining and I'll be right there to chime in." He was pushing her out the door before she could respond.

As soon as the door shut behind her, she realized. There was no way he would come back to her home and explain things. "Doctor!" She started banging on the TARDIS door so hard that it shook. "Doctor, you come out here right this minute!" She was so annoyed, she even forgot she had a TARDIS key of her own.

"Oh that man!" After a full minute of pounding on the door and knowing he would in no way open it until she had calmed down or settled things with her family, she finally remembered about the key.

She slipped a hand into her pocket, pulling out a handful of objects. She tossed a piece of melted candy on the ground, stuffed her cell phone back into her pocket, and had to unravel a white tissue to find the key had slipped inside it. She shook it out into her hand, along with some white substance that she remembered all too late was the 'love crystals'. The ones in the TARDIS console had gone back to the other dimension, but these were the ones she'd tucked away and forgotten about.

She quickly waved them off of her palm and put the key into the lock, turned, and opened. The Doctor was leaning back in a seat, feet up, hands behind his head. He quickly jumped up when she entered.

"I can explain!" He said, looking like he was a kid caught sneaking out of the house.

"Oh, you'd better start explaining right now, Time Boy!" Donna came barrelling toward him with alarming speed.

"Well, you see, I was just trying to compose my thoughts. As to what I'll tell your mum and gramps." He nodded, satisfied with his own explanation.

Donna's arms were around him before he could know what was happening. At first, he thought she just wanted a friendly hug. A forgiveness maybe. But then her hand started slipping down and squeezing his backside, making him squeak.

"Uh, I really don't think-" He pried her hand off, and tried to push her away as gently as he could.

"You'd better explain why that ring you got me isn't on this finger." She held up her ring finger. His eyes bulged as he stared at her mutely. Making the Doctor mute was quite a feat!

"Come on then, slip it on. Lets go. We can always marry at that little chapel round the corner. I always thought it was the perfect place. We can register. Oh and Nerys can't come! She'll spoil it. Mum will have to get used to the fact I'm marrying again."

"Uh Donna..." He pulled out of her arms and tried to compose himself. "What are you on about?"

"Us. Oh don't tell me you don't remember proposing to me? It was just a few minutes ago. You ain't going back on it now, Doctor!" She said fiercely. "Lets go tell Mum she does have another wedding to plan. But no babies to worry about. Not yet anyway." She laughed happily, he kept staring at her, eyes huge, mouth hanging open.

She moved in, her lips finding his as he found himself backed up against the console. He ducked down just as her lips brushed his, and twirled out of her reach. "What? What's wrong, Doctor? I love you! Don't you love me?"

Suddenly it occurred to him exactly what had happened. "Oh!" He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Yes, I love you, as my best friend in the whole wide universe! And as my friend, you're lucky you are. I wouldn't tolerate this from anyone else!" She kept after him, trying to grab him, grope him, kiss him. He kept dodging her.

"Then come over here and kiss me!" She pleaded with him.

"Donna, listen to me. You're under the effects of those 'love crystals'. The Flos Niveus Pacis. You've got to fight this! You don't love me, you just think you do. Calm down!"

She grinned and lunged for him. "You'll buy me crystals later, right now I've got plans for us." She ran her fingers through his hair and started to grope him again, he slipped out of her grasp and hurried toward the stairs.

He wasn't about to slap her to cure her of this. He would never hit a woman. Unless it couldn't be helped. He wouldn't get the joy out of it Donna did when she slapped him. Instead, he would have to keep dodging her for a few hours until the crystals' effects wore off.

The funny thing was, he was still more terrified of dealing with her mother!


End file.
